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@Gstaxxs103 Diary 10/10/16
‘Patience Amongst Change’
It’s crazy cause I’m writing this from the 9th floor in a wealthy suburb far away from my hood; I’m like 20 miles outside the city. Why is that crazy? Because honestly I feel like I am not supposed to be here. As a Scorpio I naturally struggle with my heart & passion, what’s practical vs. what is obtainable or tangible dreams. Maybe I am never satisfied; after all I am working for one of the top digital companies in the world. Sometimes I feel like you should never lose sight of what you truly want to do, it doesn’t matter if your situation is good. Like most people would say “Shut up, you got a good job.” It’s crazy because I was just in Spain playing basketball. Suddenly, the team had sponsorship issues that resulted in me coming back to America for reasons that don’t have anything to do with me. That’s what’s crazy to me.
Every fall though, (literally) every fall of my life my season changes, my situation changes; I remember in college I always found a way to run it up in the fall. I grew up in the church, my grandpa was a pastor, I was there by default though. My real connection with God, my real relationship with Him didn’t come about until I was 22 years old. Every year before 22 I had abundance it felt like, had everything I wanted. Now things are different, all of my abundance whether it be time, energy, money, etc. goes into my startup @247Competition & training on the court staying ready. It’s almost like once God has established a real connection with you; the score is back to 0-0, back to the first quarter. My fall seasons from the age 22 and up haven’t been the same. Mentally I’ve witnessed my seasons change in the fall, growing into a better person, becoming the man I want to be, and setting the spiritual foundation. I now really see what it means to be patient, but it’s hard when watching everything around you move fast, you question yourself... “Did I choose something too big to do?” You get to wonder if your ideas and ambitions are too big for you to handle. Who knew it would require this much work to be great. As my birthday approaches on October 23rd, I can’t help but to feel the season beginning to change for my current life situation. I would be lying if I said the past 2.5 years have been easy to walk by faith and not by sight. Most people say “take a break”, “you grind too much.” I truly hate when anyone says “you work too hard”, that’s like the quickest way to get blocked in my phone. In my eyes only a weak man can comment on the doings of another man. What’s a lofty dream to one man is a very real obtainable one for the next. The way I see it, our goals should be crazy and absurd to some people, if it isn’t then those goals aren’t big enough. One thing I try to remember is that God didn’t give my vision to other people; other people therefore shouldn’t understand me.
Let’s quantify this-> According to 2014 CNN Money reports, the 1% of America earns $389,000. If you make $100,000 you’re in the top 24%. Usually on an everyday basis, especially coming from where I come from- Nobody is in either category, PERIOD. Meaning most people you see are broke, broke, and broke, meaning most people that can comment on your goals/dreams according to the US Consensus reports are probably broke. I find it funny every time I meet wealthy people or have lunch with them, they say “WHEN your business gets going, give me a call, I’ll invest”. Not “If”, almost as if they have no doubt that I will be great. I never get discouraging vibes from people who have stood to their vision God gave them, people who have reached very high levels of success sticking to their faith and plan.
The truth is I do feel like I am being reincarnated or something lately, like my level of focus is double the level of last years. You know the seasons changing when you have new people in your life that add value, your thoughts are more pure, you even find yourself sinning less, and most of all, stuff that used to get under your skin doesn’t anymore.
True story- One late night, like 3am, I woke up to my Bible app alert. I found myself reading about worrying. “Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?” – Matthew 6:26
I am a MAN not a damn bird, why am I second guessing everything right now, DO NOT WORRY! – I hit the gym that morning at 5am without a worry, Then that evening too without a worry, then the next day without a worry... So on…
Sometimes it can feel like all the work you put in is going unnoticed, but God sees it all. The hardest thing in my life right now is just staying the course now; I know I will get any and everything I want out of this world. We may not know when God will grant us what we want, but we must never doubt that Man, we must never question why He sets us back… All I can say is, if I never went to the gym that morning I would have never been there to save this old man as he fainted. I was the only person to see the old guy fall. I couldn’t save this man if I had not stayed the course going to the gym that morning. I now yearn for more divine connections with God, I never been so close to GOD in my life until now. We damn near really talk to each other daily now. He talks to all of us, peep the signs, peep the places you could have been when you later hear someone got shot, peep how he answers your prayers in a timely manner.
My simple personal prayer that has allowed me to wake up at 5am for 2.5 years now – “Lord please give me the strength to wake up in the AM with full focus, Lord please allow me to defeat every worry tomorrow morning, please allow me to have the strength to do what I have to do in the AM to live out the vision you have given me, please give me strength to finish every task on my to do list tomorrow”
This simple prayer has allowed me to DEFEAT THE DAY... literally.
IG/Twitter - @gstaxxs103